A practical guide to dealing with a dark side leader

This article is a follow-up to my previous post When Power Turns Toxic: The Dark Side Of Leadership. Working under a leader with dark personality traits can be a demoralising and stressful experience.

These leaders, often wielding a mix of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy (the Dark Triad), can create a work environment rife with manipulation, deceit, and negativity.

The challenge intensifies when the leader is either the CEO of the company or your direct manager, leaving fewer obvious options for escape. Don't despair! Here are some strategies to navigate this tricky situation:

Understanding the Landscape

• Identify the Traits: Familiarise yourself with the Dark Triad. A narcissistic CEO might take credit for team successes, while a Machiavellian manager might pit team members against each other for promotions. By reading my previous article When Power Turns Toxic: The Dark Side Of Leadership, you can understand and anticipate their behaviour and adjust your approach.
• Consider Your Options: Is leaving the company an option? If not, explore internal opportunities outside their immediate influence. Even a lateral move to a different department can offer a fresh start.

Protecting Yourself

• Set Boundaries: Define what you will and won't tolerate. If your CEO takes credit for your work, learn to politely assert yourself by documenting your contributions and highlighting your team's efforts in reports or meetings.
• Document Everything: Keep detailed, factual records of interactions with your leader, including dates, times, and specific instances of manipulative behaviour or unethical actions. These records should be kept strictly confidential but they may be helpful if you need to escalate the issue or report it to HR (if applicable).

Empowering Yourself

• Focus on Your Work: Channel your energy into delivering excellent work. Take initiative, learn new skills, and document your accomplishments. This demonstrates your value to the organisation, independent of your leader's behaviour.
• Build a Network: Connect with colleagues who may share your concerns but also build a strong network across the organisation to build a sense of support. Mutual support and strategising with like-minded individuals can boost morale and provide a sense of solidarity.
• Prioritise Your Well-Being: Working under a toxic leader can be emotionally draining. Practice self-care: exercise, healthy eating, sleep hygiene, and relaxation techniques are crucial. If things are bad and you cannot exit the situation, consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor to learn coping mechanisms.

Tailoring Your Approach

• CEO vs. Manager: The strategy might differ slightly depending on your leader's position. With a CEO, focus on documenting your work, building alliances within the company, and showcasing your skills to potentially position yourself for opportunities outside their direct control. For a manager, consider having an honest conversation (if you feel comfortable) explaining how their behaviour is impacting you and the team. If unreceptive, document their actions and escalate the issue to HR.

Navigating the Dark Side: My Personal Story

Throughout my career, I've encountered various leaders who displayed elements of the Dark Triad. While such encounters often presented challenges, they were generally manageable. Here are some examples:

• The Dishonest Sales Leader: Sometimes, the leader, especially a primary salesperson, resorts to bending the truth to close deals. This conflicted with my ethical compass. Instead of outright lying, I'd propose collaborative solutions with the clients, emphasising mutual benefit.
• The My-Way-or-the-Highway Leader: Some leaders refused to consider ideas unless they originated from them. In such cases, I'd engage in a collaborative charade, subtly guiding them towards the approach I believed best served the team or clients.
• The All-Talk, No-Action Leader: Leaders who spoke grandly but lacked follow-through were a recurring theme. To address this, I documented, summarized, and shared key discussion points via email. It served as a reminder for future discussions and a gentle nudge for action.

These are common workplace scenarios, and while they weren't deal-breakers on their own, they did contribute to my decision to explore new projects or seek alternative employment.

However, one experience forced me to make a more difficult choice:

The Toxic Startup: I held immense passion for a startup's vision and mission, believing I could contribute to their growth and help countless people. However, the leader exhibited a worrying array of Dark Triad traits:

• Setting unrealistic timelines that the team advised against, then holding them accountable for those inevitable failures.
• Broken promises and outright denials of past commitments.
• Fabricating situations to justify “tuning up” team members or scapegoating individuals for failure.

Further, the leader's behaviour included bullying and public shaming. While I initially tried to offer guidance and coaching, hoping my experience would earn their trust, the toxic patterns persisted.

Ultimately, despite my passion for the project and its potential, I had to prioritise my mental well-being and values. I simply couldn't be part of an environment where unethical behaviour was normalised. Leaving was a difficult decision, but it has shaped my future career choices, ensuring I don't repeat this experience.

Get Real With Yourself

Remember, you are not alone! Many people navigate challenging leaders. By understanding the situation, managing your response, and prioritising your well-being, you can navigate these troubled waters and position yourself for a brighter future within or outside the organisation.